So is it possible to be "ReFound" by God, like Found more than Once by God??
You know that phrase, "I once was Lost, but now am Found..."
Well, can I be lost more than once but also found again, and again??
The truth is I am lost again and this time I don't know what to do. I'm actually starting to think that I was never Completely Found yet, that I have been totally lost this whole time and that I was taking a few steps forward but now I've taken 100 steps back. I'm forgetting that I CAN turn to God with my problems and He will be there for me, but I don't know what it is...it's like I have been going to him soo much lately that I don't want to ware Him out or I feel that with the specific issues that I am having I don't deserve His love or...I don't know I just feel really lost to the point that I am Not turning to God for whatever reason, and when I realize I can turn to Him and I do that I don't feel the connection I usually feel or that I am not there spiritually with my whole heart and soul.
For the past few months I was talking to Him about good news, etc. and it felt good because I finally had wonderful things to tell Him because I usually had only depressing things to say and would only ask for His help. I started to feel completely connected to Him again besides all my daily problems, but now it just feels like I'm back to all the depressing stuff again (100x Worse) and I don't want to bore Him with it or keep bringing it up.
I do ALWAYS THANK HIM for everything He has given me the good and the bad. Everytime I pray, I always thank Him first for all His blessings He has given me, but I don't want to keep asking Him to help me. The last thing I asked for were only 2 things that I have ever really, really wanted soo bad in my life and that was the Scholarship and Berklee and I didn't get either of those.
I've already said too much, but now with the problems I'm facing, asking for the Scholarship and Berklee just seem pathetic and pointless.
I need Him I do...but I really do feel just soo distant and lost...
Will He find me again? Or was I ever really completely found in the first place?
2 comments:
Dear Merissa,
I learned from loving Wise Elders of our Holy Trinity Church -- including your Grandma -- that God is _always_ with us no matter how hard life might be. And that Life always works out in God's time and not necessarily in our time or with our first wishes. Yes.
Sending prayers and love,
~Auntie Joan May
I think we all struggle to find God during our darkest times. Christians who say they never worry because they give their problems to God are either lying or have a very shallow relationship with God. If you have a thinking, questioning relationship with God, then it has to be difficult to make sense of what God is doing during your darkest times. In my times of deepest despair it has been difficult to understand a God that loves me but watches me suffer. Sometimes the only way I can connect with God is to yell at God and tell God how angry I am with him/her. But that is just enough, because if I can yell at God, then God must still be there. That's my recommendation for when you feel lost - find someplace where you can scream at God. God will still love you and will understand what is in your heart. Love you, Uncle Joel
Post a Comment