Miss Merissa's Compositions

A New Vision...

2011-01-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

Wow... Looking at My Older Posts and how I was so Optimistic and Sure that I was going to get into Berklee and get the Buch Scholarship makes me wish I could go back in time and prepare harder to be ready and know exactly what to do because in the end, I did not get either of those things. I was not accepted to Berklee probably being that I turned in my application an hour before it was due and now that I think back, my audition really was not perfect; and as far as the Buch Scholarship goes, I now know what I should have said and should have done and since I did not go to a four year school, they probably did not want me anymore. I don't know... anyways... regardless of the times I spend in bed laying wide awake going back on how in my audition and interview how I could have made all those things better so that my parents and I would not have to feel financially stressed, I love my life at this very moment. I love being in SoCal living it up down here and experiencing the independent road and yes it is true, I have found a person I can spend the rest of my life with. Well, obviously, I know now that life does not always go exactly to plan being that the perfect plan would of been to get the Scholarship and Acceptance in Berklee, I know that as much as I wanted to finish my life first and then find true love, I found true love on my way to finishing my life goals. However, marriage and settling down is at the bottom of my list, I do know that I love my soulmate and am so thankful for the life events that have happened otherwise I would not have found such a person, but we both have our lives to live and that is our first priority no matter how much we talk about what our kids will call each of our parents.
Today was a rambling day...a get back and let everyone know where you are at day...

However, I think a new vision for this blog will be needed...a makeover since my life is on a whole other path than foreseen in earlier posts.
This blog was just a way for me to vent and express my thoughts and feelings especially knowing that I have family reading this... however a new take on this blog is what I will do...
it is Callen Miss Merissa's Compositions and thus it will now not just follow my life in generalities but be the path of my MUSIC: Compositions and Performances... music people...thats all there is.

Can You be Found more than Once by God? "I'm Lost Again...and Now I am Found, Again??"

2009-04-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

So is it possible to be "ReFound" by God, like Found more than Once by God??
You know that phrase, "I once was Lost, but now am Found..."
Well, can I be lost more than once but also found again, and again??

The truth is I am lost again and this time I don't know what to do. I'm actually starting to think that I was never Completely Found yet, that I have been totally lost this whole time and that I was taking a few steps forward but now I've taken 100 steps back. I'm forgetting that I CAN turn to God with my problems and He will be there for me, but I don't know what it is...it's like I have been going to him soo much lately that I don't want to ware Him out or I feel that with the specific issues that I am having I don't deserve His love or...I don't know I just feel really lost to the point that I am Not turning to God for whatever reason, and when I realize I can turn to Him and I do that I don't feel the connection I usually feel or that I am not there spiritually with my whole heart and soul.
For the past few months I was talking to Him about good news, etc. and it felt good because I finally had wonderful things to tell Him because I usually had only depressing things to say and would only ask for His help. I started to feel completely connected to Him again besides all my daily problems, but now it just feels like I'm back to all the depressing stuff again (100x Worse) and I don't want to bore Him with it or keep bringing it up.
I do ALWAYS THANK HIM for everything He has given me the good and the bad. Everytime I pray, I always thank Him first for all His blessings He has given me, but I don't want to keep asking Him to help me. The last thing I asked for were only 2 things that I have ever really, really wanted soo bad in my life and that was the Scholarship and Berklee and I didn't get either of those.
I've already said too much, but now with the problems I'm facing, asking for the Scholarship and Berklee just seem pathetic and pointless.
I need Him I do...but I really do feel just soo distant and lost...
Will He find me again? Or was I ever really completely found in the first place?

The 81st Academy Awards!!

2009-02-22T21:48:00.000-08:00

That is what I want!! That is what I want to do!!

---It is not the award that I want or the recognition...but it is to be a part of something that is all about sharing your skills and talents with the world.
I of course will always give back to my community in any way possible and as much as I can, but this is what I want to do for life and as a career.
...The hard work, dedication, commitment, team work, talent, collaboration, compassion, motivation, and all that other wonderful stuff is what makes a production, a movie, a song, etc. what it is.
All the PEOPLE that it takes to make a motion picture or any production is amazing and inspiring. I admire the Academy Awards because they acknowledge the people that you will only see their names in the credits and the names that are not famous and well known. It is breath taking and I just want to be a part of it. Can you understand what I am saying??
There is A LOT, A LOT, of work that is put into making a production what it is. To make something absolutely magnificent to share with the world for entertainment, inspiration, motivation, etc. is just absolutely astounding. That is what I want to do. To be a part of sharing stories with putting the narration/feeling of the moment with my music. This is my passion...to share what I have with the rest of the world.
I LOVE IT!!

Is it really all about the Sex or all about the Love??

2009-02-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

Random...yea I know.
But, lately I've been trying to figure out if all this talk about having or needing a relationship is really all about the sex or is it really all about the love?
I guess it's just that time in teenagers' lives that everyone has to have a significant other or they need to be with someone, but what I'm trying to figure out is what all of this is really all about.
All the time I hear my guy friends talking about "doing" some girl or wanting to "do" some girl and then my girl friends talking about "loving" some guy or wishing some guy would love them...or sometimes the other way around and of course, even girls wanting girls and guys wanting guys. Whatever, the real issue though is: Who is actually being true about it or real about it?
I mean people say that girls think about sex way more than guys, but they just don't say it out loud or aren't so verbal about it as guys are...but is that really what's it about? Or is it that girls just think about love and guys just think about sex?
Personally, I hate all this "sex" talk like it's the thing to do and every one has to do it now or his/her life isn't complete...
Also, I really and truly believe that for the most part it really is about love, even for the guys. There are some people who are just nasty and all they want the physical stuff and that's cool for them, no judgment, but all in all it's all about the love. "It's All About the Love, Dude!" ;o)
I just wish people would be more real about it. There is nothing wrong at all with wanting someone to love or wanting someone to love you; it's a beautiful thing. I see true everyday with people in my family and in my friends.
I'm just saying, it gets really annoying with derogatory phrases and words like, "Ooo I wanna Tap that or Bang that...blah blah" There are obviously worse words out there but it's just so pointless and stupid and then it's like well that's why you don't have anyone because you talk like that.
We are almost adults and you still talk like that? -Good luck, sheesh.
Anyways... my point is: Just Be True to the Love.(period)

Did Soo Good at My Berklee College of Music Audition!!

2009-02-14T21:05:00.000-08:00

Boston here I come!!! ;o)

Okay, it is not for sure yet that I am accepted into Berklee, however, my audition went really, really well!! I can say that it was pretty much my best audition yet. I felt so good afterward. I was so happy when I finished because all day that was all I could think about was how I would feel the moment when I finished!
I did my audition, which was pretty laid back, and then I had my interview!!
I am just soo glad that it is over!!
I was the only horn player and everyone else played a string instrument ( a lot of guitarists of course, and a bassists, and some violinists).
I rocked out as hard as I could...

Just want to say thank you to all of you who were sending me good thoughts and love throughout this whole process...couldn't have done it without your guys' support!!
I'm soo excited...I really think that I made it ;o)
Also, many thanks to my accompanists Ryan...my boi!! ;o)

Soo Many Awesomness Things Happening!!

2009-02-07T22:20:00.001-08:00

Besides the wonderful birth of my beautiful niece Maribel...my life has gotten pretty exciting...

First, my Berklee College of Music Audition is this coming Saturday and I am soo excited and nervous at the same time but I believe I will do just fine!! I know what I am going to play and I have been practicing hard like always!!

Second, I am a FINALIST for the Buck Scholarship!! Whoo Hoo
This means that I am now a step closer to having college being paid for all the way up to my PhD!! Soo close...now I all I have to do is an interview and a some more recommendation letters and some more applications to fill out, but How Awesome is that?? I got accepted as a Finalist!! I am soo soo soo Excited, Thrilled, and Invigorated!!
Quote from letter: "Your application for a Frank H. Buck Scholarship has been reviewed by the Frank H. & Eva B. Buck Foundation staff and Board of Directors, and I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a finalist for the Buck Scholarship." YEAAAYY BABY!!!

One of the Best Nights Ever!!

2009-02-02T23:20:00.000-08:00

Today I rode up to Berkeley with one of my best friends and while he was in his Jazz class, I got to hang out and play with Maribel and the whole Gibbeadle clan!! Whoo Hoo
It was AWESOME!
I ate burritos, grapes, short ribs, Mac n' Cheese, salad, and peppermint bark. ;o)
Maribel is sooo beautiful and I love her sooo much!!
I was also able to play LIPS with Beadle, which was totally insane...love it!!
Then after a wonderful visit I came home and...
my Jazz Books order came!! Yeaya
I got my new jazz books and I am very, very excited and can't wait to play and practice all day with my new books tomorrow!! ;D)
It was the perfect night!!

****I made the right decision to got visit Maribel and I thank everyone who helped me make that decision as well...I am soo glad I made my decision too not just because I had the Best time ever but also because the Protest was canceled or never happened (which is also a bummer). I would have been soo mad if I stayed and missed out on an awesome night for a protest that didn't happen!!
Well, YEAH!!!

Conflicted...need your advice!!

2009-01-30T23:12:00.000-08:00

Okay if you are a Californian then you know that one of the biggest issues right now are the Budget Cuts on Education and as a Student, daughter of a Teacher, and a Delegate, this issue is close to my heart!!
So this Monday, a bunch of us local Young Democrats are putting on a protest in front of the office of Assemblyman Berryhill because we believe that the budget will be passed on Tuesday and we want to make an impact!!
Now, see the protest was suppose to happen this past Tuesday but there were some bad communication things happening and it got canceled so that is why we are doing it now and it was just decided yesterday!
My problem is that I decided about a week ago to go visit Maribel this Monday and I really want to see her and have been wanting to for a long time!!
What do I do?!?

Sincere Apologies...especially to the Readers of My Blog

2009-01-28T21:41:00.000-08:00

As I reread my "I'm Just a Neighbor Blog", I cringe at a lot of the stuff that I wrote...
Obviously, I was really angry and even now I do feel some kind of negative emotion to the issue, but I must admit that I might have been over reacting.
I just want to apologize to those of you who read that ghastly thing because I am really not that mean, but it is pretty much the truth and I will not hold back on telling the "neighbor" people how I feel next time.
I am sorry. I shouldn't put stuff up on my blog like that.
However, I was told once by a very wise person, who is a new mommy at the moment, that you do not write your blogs as if someone is going to read them or knowing that someone is going to read them, but rather you write them for your own benefit and self-fulfillment. Even though that may seem very ironic because, well, you are writing on the internet so obviously people are going to see and read it, but she is right.
So that's what I did...I wrote...and now I regret it because of the comments that were left about it and the fact that I shouldn't have said a lot of those words.
Those comments reminded how much I am loved by soooo many people and how I love ALL those people!! I am soo blessed and grateful for ALL the people in my life.
So I just want to say sorry. I was mad. Just one of things that I have kept inside for a very, very long time and it finally just all came out and I burst!!
Much Love to All of you!!

Changes,,,the kind you wish wouldn't happen...

2009-01-27T22:25:00.001-08:00

Why do things have to change?
Of course, Change is good, like the things that need fixing or the all the negative/painful things...those should change.
But I'm talking about the Good things in life...why do those have to change? Why do things have to change when everything is going good or when you start realizing that things are good and you don't want them to change? I don't know if I made any sense right there but sometimes there are changes that you just wish wouldn't happen.
There are changes that you have to let happen even if you don't want them to but if you know it is for the best and is better for everyone then change is good.
You know what sucks butt though?
The change that you know is going to happen and you can't do anything about; like death, illness, seeing people getting older/weaker, people moving in and out of your life, moving away from home, divorce, violence, etc.
Sometimes I say to myself, "Why can't things just stay the same?"
Like why do I have to see my loved ones become older, weaker, sicker? Or why did my grandma leave me? Why do people have to die? Why do people have to move away? why do people have to define everything? Why can't everyone just love each other? Why can't the good and loving relationships stay that way?
Obviously, I know the answers to all these questions to these answers, well, all the logical and reasonable answers, but I still wish...I wish those things didn't happen. I know they have to; I know they will, and I know most of it is inevitable, but I can still wish!
Life...you're absolutely right...it is never easy...but the Good Times are what matter!! Too bad those never last forever!!

So that's it huh?!? I'm just a "Neighbor"...nothing more?...Seriously, just a Neighbor?

2009-01-26T21:47:00.000-08:00

Really? Are you for reals? Is that what you think when you have to define in your own mind what I am to you or how I am a part of your family? But apparently I'm not even a part of your family because I'm just a neighbor!!
Well, "eff" you!!
Fine, if I'm just your neighbor there is no reason for me to love you, to care for you, to want to be there for you, to pray for you, to wish you well...it'll be like all the other people in the world: I'll care but not really care for you. I care for every creation that God gave life to, but the people that are close to my heart, of course, always get a special prayer. But whatever, I guess because we're only neighbors I really don't have to really, really pray for you!!
So that's all I am?
I have NEVER called you my neighbor or even thought of you as just my neighbor!! You have ALWAYS been more to me! But shoot, now I can just call you my neighbor, makes life more simpler for me, less family to keep track of. I mean, I always called you my auntie, my uncle, my cousin, and least of things my friend, but forget about that because now you're just my neighbor and nothing more.
But Seriously?!? You are going to call me your neighbor?
Dang, I know more about you than 3/4 of your blood relatives (your "real" family). I have been through more stuff with you than your own "real" brothers and sisters!!
I have known you my whole life and until I became educated about the technicalities of how we are "really" related, you have always been family, thicker than blood could ever be. I don't care that are bloods don't match, that they don't mix; the more reason we should get closer!!
But noooooo, I'm just the "neighbor"!! Yeah, whatever!! I mean, come on, you'll claim your real cousin that you don't know crap about and even when I'm standing right there and you know everything about me, but wait, I'm just the neighbor!!
Well, screw all of you guys!!
I have cared, loved, worried, cherished, and prayed too much for all of you to be called a "neighbor". Well, now I don't have to attend any of your family functions or other "family" stuff you like to do!!
You can't even call me a Family Friend, shoot, that sounds better than a neighbor.
How do you think that makes me feel when I know for a fact that I am more of a part of your family than any other "blood" relative and even more!!
Well, that's fine, call me your neighbor, but beware, next time I hear that, it's on...I won't take it anymore, I'll put you out on the spot and then walk away like a a good neighbor because neighbors don't stick around long enough to see someone get hurt or actually care. I'll tell you like it is and then act like a neighbor and leave!!
So yea, that's right, I'm saying you don't make me feel like I'm a part of your family...oh wait...oh you do, but in the privacy of the immediate family, but when others are around or in public, I'm just the neighbor!! I know I am one of the best damn people in this world (well at least that's what I hear, because seriously I think I'm not worthy of anything), but to hear from your own family or the people you love that you're nothing that I'm just a neighbor hurts more than anyone can imagine!!
It hurts!! But like I said, next time, you'll know!! And you'll regret it!! and then I won't be the neighbor no more!!

I am an Official Elected DELEGATE of the 17th Assembly District!!

2009-01-10T17:30:00.001-08:00

Whoo Hoo!! I WON!!

I would just like to take this time to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who supported me throughout this whole process with their love, prayers, words of wisdom, and support!! Thank You!!...especially to those who were able to vote for me and those who came even though they couldn't vote.

It was definitely an experience to remember!I had to rush home to change and pick up my "Campaign Manager" Danielle (bless her soul) after having a 4 hour Honor Band rehearsal that ended at 12pm.
I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know if I should bring fliers or any sort of propaganda because in the General Election no one is allowed to advertise any kind of campaign propaganda neat a voting pole. However, that rule is completely nonexistent at these elections. When I got there six people came up to me with fliers and business cards asking me to vote for them, not knowing that I too was running.
So there are 12 Elected Delegates that represent each Assembly District (6 men, 6 women). Luckily for me there was a guy who was also running and he is also a Young Democrat of America from my city, so we paired up and had our people vote for each other because you could vote for up to 12 candidates.
Now each candidate had a 1 minute speech and I had a whole speech written out and I timed it to make sure I made the time limit. However, when everyone got up to make their speech, no one used a piece of paper, so I didn't want to be the only one, so I just did it off the top of my head and I did extremely well.

I was the 4th person with the most votes, which was 25 votes. I met many wonderful people and people who knew me but I didn't know them. Word gets out, especially when people know you are a member of the Young Democrats of America and people are always looking for young blood to get involved.
Well, that pretty much raps it up!! HaHa..sorry for any typos!!

Much love to all of you

Making Time to Pray. I LOVE Talking to God!

2008-12-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

I always find myself feeling guilty about praying either because I feel selfish or because I haven't prayed in a while.
Lately, I have been feeling that I don't even deserve to pray, to even ask God for his blessings, or sometimes I find myself forgetting to pray or "not having enough time".
However, ironically every single time I pray, I feel absolutely wonderful afterwards. I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulder and that someone is listening and doing good for me. Haha...Isn't that how it is suppose to be anyways? So what is wrong with me?

So the reason for this blog is not to complain or talk about my guilty feelings, but that I just had a REVELATION, an EPIPHANY!! Why am I feeling bad about praying? That is not what praying is about... the reality and the truth is that I love to Pray!!
I LOVE to Pray!! I am now going to make more time to pray, even if it is only a minute. No more falling asleep right away. ;0)
I always take the time to thank God for every little thing that happens in my life, and I always ask for blessings for those who need it, but now I will pray for me.
And it is not just asking God for his guidance, but just having a conversation with God. I use to do this all the time, but times have changed and I am moving forward in my life...but that doesn't mean I have to leave my faith behind.
No more guilt, just talk...it feels good. Literally Letting Go, and Letting God.
I Love Talking to God!! He is one of my Best Friends!

Officially a Candidate for Delegate of Assembly District 17!!!

2008-12-29T20:14:00.000-08:00

Look me up on the website:

http://www.cadem.org/site/apps/kb/cs/contactsearch.asp?c=jrLZK2PyHmF&b=4840277&raw=

***Don't forget A.D. 17...VOTE FOR ME!!!

Running for a Delegate for My Assembly District!!

2008-12-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

Wow!! I never thought I would be doing something like this at such a young age, but I am super excited about and ready to step up and represent my 18-35 yrs. old demographic.
Why am I doing this? Well, I believe it will be a great way to get involved in my community, meet awesome people in high places, have a chance to speak my voice and get my thoughts out there in the open, and it would be a fun experience.
I loved volunteering in the recent presidential campaign and I want to continue to my part in being involved in what goes on in my government: local and nation wide.
I am going to be campaigning just like any other candidate for any kind of public office and I will have a 1 minute speech on election day: January 10th.
Did I say that I was really excited? This is an awesome opportunity. I believe I would be a great representative for my generation. I do not know what else to say except here is the link to my candidacy and the other candidates for my Assembly District:
(I probably won't be up on the page till a bit later being that I just applied)
and I'm Assembly District 17.

http://www.cadem.org/site/apps/kb/cs/contactsearch.asp?c=jrLZK2PyHmF&b=4840277&raw=

Post-Anxiety Attack Feelings

2008-12-24T13:03:00.000-08:00

"I'm tired." That two word statement pretty much sums up how I feel about my life right now. Not that I am tired of the wonderful people in my life and what they do for me, no, I'm just literally tired. Since Saturday night, I have had a hard time keeping my energy up. If you know me, then you will know that I always have a lot of energy but I just feel soo tired that I don't even want to try, except I spend my time trying to stay conscious, hydrated, and hide the fact that I am tired.
However, I guess you could say that I am tired of life in general now. I'm tired of constantly worrying about school, college, people, and just some stupid stuff that goes on in this world. But let me just say again that I could never be tired of the people I love and give me support, inspiration, and joy in my life everyday. It is just that I do not have the energy to fully and completely give back to them what they give me.
Right now at this very moment as I am typing this entry, I can feel my head pounding and I feel nauseated. I just feel weak, pathetic, and helpless. Moreover, I know my loved ones want to help me, but that is kind of hard especially if I cannot help myself because I don't even know what is going on. I guess it is time to seek help from an outside source (other than God) that can try and help me. It is time to see a shrink...Now the thing about that is, well, I wouldn't be ashamed and I know it would definitely help me and I want to go, but I don't want some stranger to think of me as something less than I am because I know what I am and who I am and what I am capable of; there are just some kinks I need to straighten out.
However, I admit that I do need therapy, actually, I should have been getting therapy since Sophomore year or probably even way earlier than that, like 6th grade, but better late than never, right?!? Anyways, I do need to get some kind of professional help before I leave and go off to college and then I am completely all by myself.
Ugh, I have to stop writing...I have no energy left and the screen is starting to go blurry and my eyes hurt.

Can't Wait for the New Year!!

2008-12-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

So...just about done with finals and I am anticipating the new year and last semester of high school...whoo hoo!!
I'm so done with high school, it's not even funny.
All next term, I'm going to be practicing and composing!!
I'm so out of here!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

2008-12-03T00:03:00.001-08:00

Today is the day!!!
WHOO HOO!!!
Gonna go buy a Lotto ticket now with a pack of cigarettes as I go to Jackson and register to VOTE!!
All because I can!!!

My 250 Word Essay for the Buck Scholarship...

2008-11-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

I want to be the change I wish to see in the world through my music. I want to give back to the world what music has given me. Throughout my whole life music has been the one thing that gives me peace, and confidence. Music is my passion, my sanctuary, my get-away, and my inspiration. However, inspiration can get lost and covered by all the negativity that happens in our lives, so it is always good to take the time to listen and meditate and remember the purpose of life and all of life’s blessings. I want people to feel what I feel when I listen to music: the love, the pain, the passion.
So that is what I am doing with my life; that is what I am giving back to this world. I am giving people something that will always and forever be there for them no matter what: music. My goal is that every time people hear my music they can close their eyes and fly away to a place that is deep inside their hearts and souls that takes them away from all the troubles and worries of their lives and of the world. I want them to know and feel that anything is possible; that they can conquer the world. My intention is not to give them a sense of false hood or blind them from facing reality and the world, but to give them a sense of hope and inspiration to do good in their lives and for others.

*Side Note:I just know that I will make a difference in this world...I will be a part of something bigger and grander than life that God has planned for me.

Rhymin' in My Spare Time...(Copy Right (C) 2008)

2008-11-30T00:19:00.000-08:00

Verse 1: (Rap/Rhyme)
When I was born and growin’ up in this world
I thought wars were done, peace was forever,
and hate throughout the nation would never
exist because love is an abyss.
Times were good, education was fun, love was all around us,
it could be found in the hearts of those below and above us.
Love, love, love, love, love, peace, and happiness.
That’s all I thought, that’s all I felt, that’s all I saw and heard,
That’s all I want for my kids in the future.
For sure man, we knew how to live.
We knew the game of love is about how much you can take
But authentic love is about how much you can give.
And in the end that’s all that really matters.

Chorus: (Sung/Melody)
Nothing Else Matters
When Love Exists
Nothing Else Matters
When Equality Reigns
Nothing Else Matters
When Peace Lives…because in the end that’s all we get.

Verse 2: (Rap/Rhyme)
Now that I’m getting older and the world turns and burns;
I can see the hate in me, in you,
and thus the kids will never learn
how to live in peace and harmony
because now, all they see is men and women dying in the army.
Times have changed,
we’ve been in war for too long, with the world, with ourselves and nothing’s being done.
I’ll be blunt with you, it’s when Bush got elected,
that’s when we started getting hated, evicted, rejected
and dumber because “No Child Left Behind” ain’t worth it.
Where has our love gone wrong? That I have to go and write this song.
That I feel hate everyday and scared that this world will die away.
If we continue like this with gas up, money down, violence, hatred, discrimination
Man, Thank God we got the “Obama Nation!”
We will never know what love is
and that’s all that matters is that love lives.

Copy Right(C)2008

Right now...suppose to be doing Othello project...

2008-11-20T23:15:00.000-08:00

I figured I should write something today, even though I am suppose to be doing homework write now, but that is the beauty of multitasking and having more than one computer.
If you know me, then you know that I always have something to say and I usually always speak out.
I haven't written any blog entries lately because I felt like I was always writing about how stressed, or depressed I was because life is hectic and I don't want to sound "mopey" all the time because that is not who I am.
A lot of heart breaking tragedies have happened this past year and a half let alone these last two weeks, but a lot of great things have happened as well. I just find it hard to write about anything when everything seems so sad...(stop it, stop it, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.)
I should just write like Manang with little fragments or sentences that say how I'm feeling or what I'm doing at that exact moment. It just shows that a little bit can go a long way and that a few words can impact a person's life forever like "I love you" or "I forgive you".
I mean there are just people out there that whenever they write and whatever they write, it always seems to hit the reader down deep in their soul to where phrases like "That was some deep sh*t" come out to play.
I think that's how I am with my music, but recently I forgot that and let crap take over and cloud my mind as to why I do what I do: because I love music. Just like you don't love God because people tell you to but you love Him because you know He loves you. I want to be the Change I wish to See in the World through My Music. I connect closer to God through music.
Anyways...I better get back to my homework...

**Couplets just for fun (shout out to Shakespeare by Me):
- Sarah Palin that marriage is a sacred institution between a man & chick,
so her teen daughter is getting married because she peed on a stick.

- More prescriptions from doctors for my burn from a rug, and now I'm addicted to drugs.

One Voice. One Story.

2008-11-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

I am a Young Democrat of America and My Voice will be Heard!

So why did I become a Young Democrat of America and volunteer for the Obama Biden 2008 Presidential Campaign? The truth is, when this Presidential Campaign began, I really didn’t care who would be the Republican Nominee or the Democrat Nominee. Personally, I just wanted someone different from George W. Bush, someone who would make a difference and a change, regardless the political party they represented. I didn’t want the next eight years of my life to be the same as the last, especially because I am going to college next year and starting a new chapter in my life. It was not until the Vice-President Nominee was announced for the Republican Party that I realized I had to get off my behind and make sure that Gov. Sarah Palin never stepped anywhere near the White House. The first time I saw her on television I knew she wasn’t picked for her intelligence in politics or her political experience; I was so angry at how stupid this political move was just to get media attention for McCain. Governor Sarah Palin was literally a heart-beat away from becoming President of the United States and I could not let that happen or so help me God. So that is when I became highly involved in the campaign and made it my life goal to help Obama win the election. I began with phone banking from the Barack Obama website calling battle ground states and then I found myself at the Democratic Headquarters in Stockton with my friends and that is when the real excitement began. I gave it my all, going in to volunteer every chance I got because I knew that this was the most important presidential election of all time for the future of America and in the end it was all worth it. It was amazing to see all types of people from all over the community come together and work as a team for the same purpose. It is an experience that I will never forget and it has inspired me to keep standing up for what I believe in and I will continue to support Barack Obama in any way I can.

However, with every victory there is a tragedy. I am so devastated that Proposition 8 was passed. I hate the fact that churches paid millions of dollars to support Prop 8 when that money could have been used to feed the hungry, aid the helpless, or something more beneficial to the world. This issue is about equality for all and everyone deserves equal rights. Gay marriage will not be part of the education curriculum because we don’t even learn “traditional” marriage in school. If rapists, adulterers, and murderers are allowed to get married than why can’t gay people? Prop 8 is prejudice and unfair. God’s love is unconditional and I highly doubt He’ll keep people away from Heaven just because they’re gay.

OBAMA WON!! YES WE CAN!!

2008-11-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

OBAMA, OBAMA, OBAMA...
YES WE CAN!!
WE DID IT!
I AND SO MANY OTHER FELLOW AMERICANS KICKED OUR ASSES BY VOLUNTEERING AND WORKING FOR THE OBAMA BIDEN CAMPAIGN!!
I WAS OUT IN THE COLD, RAIN, HOT SUN GOING DOOR TO DOOR AND MAKING HUNDREDS OF PHONE CALLS GOING OVER MY MINUTES...AND IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!

Generation WE!!

2008-10-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

You tell me...I'm ONE!
(My cousin is the one in the swing!)

Generation WE: The Movement Begins... from Generation We on Vimeo.

My First Bumper Stickers Ever!!

2008-10-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

Today I finally had the time to go to the Democratic Headquarters here in my city to sign up and be a part of the Young Democrats Volunteer Program, and tomorrow I will be out getting pledges and hopefully registering people to vote or at least persuading people to vote for Obama. I have also signed up for other days to go volunteer and attend events and I am on call whenever they need me. Oh and no worries I am still making phone calls as well.

AND...today I got first bumper stickers...I told myself that I would never put any stickers on the bumper of my car but I had to this time because I was getting mad every time I saw a political bumper sticker on other cars that were, well lets just say, against my views and beliefs that I almost slamed into their cars (no of course not) but I do mug them!!
I am soo happy with my new decorations and propaganda on my car.
The stickers say:
1. "I am a Democrat...And My Voice Will be Heard"
2. "Vote NO on Proposition 8...Equality for Everyone" (my favorite one so far)
3. "Vote YES on Proposition 5" (something to do with violence and drugs)

I do not have my "ObamaBiden" sticker yet because anything with their names on it actually cost money that goes toward the campaign, but it will not be long till I do and I will get signs and t-shirts. The stickers I have right now were free.

I am so excited to be helping out. Stockton has the greatest number of pledges gotten in a short amount of time in the Nation! and I am so proud to be a part of that incredible effort to help for a great cause.

I am Officially Stress Free!!

2008-10-05T18:33:00.000-07:00

I am no longer stressing about college because I now know where I want to go and the path I am going to take. Today God sent me a blessed sign, by having someone come to church today who hasn't been to church in a while to tell me about his college experiences and what he would do if he could do it all over again. He went to Berklee College of Music (where I've been wanting to go since the beginning) and he told me all about it.
So I now know what I am going to do.
See before this day I have been stressing on sooo much college stuff that I thought I was going to die, but now I am all stress free and set to go. And before this day I have pretty much been trying to do what everyone else has expected me to do. My whole family has high expectations for me and I did not want to disappoint them. I always hear, "Merissa, I know you are going to go far for college."; "So where do you want to go; I bet its a big school?!?"; "Merissa, did you take courses for your SATs so you could get a high score?"; "Merissa, don't forget to get all the requirements done for those big schools!"; etc.
However, I realized that I have to do this for myself because I am the one that is going to have to live with it. It is my education. And it doesn't matter that I don't go far to a big school right away, just as long as I go where I want to go no matter how long it takes me. And apparently my mom has been trying to tell me this for a long time. Because no matter what I will be successful and I do love and appreciate all the love and support my family gives me and I have high expectations for my self and I do not expect anything less from my family.
So my plan is to go to Fullerton Junior College for two years, major in music (they have a great music program and it's in L.A.) and get my Gen. Ed. out of the way, and then transfer to Berklee College of Music (my dream school in Boston) and because they have a transfer agreement with Fullerton. Then I am going to go to USC for Grad School!!
It is absolutely genius and it is what I want to do!! Of course there are many other reasons, but there are just too many to put; ask me about it and I would love to tell you everything...I porbably will anyway!!
But the main thing is that I am stress free and this is what I WANT TO DO! I do not have to worry about anything else...!! YEAH!

How Could It Be a Tie?

2008-10-05T08:13:00.001-07:00

Seriously, Seriously...do we want her running our country because she's a Maverick?

Marriage...Get Over It! (Vote NO on Proposition 8)

2008-10-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

There is always going to be controversy on whether homosexual couples should be allowed to marry, but this is the 21st Century and people just need to grow up. There is always going to be an issue with gay marriage just like how people still have an issue with immigrants or interracial marriages. But is it right to say that people can not get legally married just because of their sexual preference? I think not.
Look, I am a Christian or more specifically a Presbyterian and I understand why people believe that marriage is sacred ceremony and should only pertain to heterosexual couples. (There is still an issue in the Presbytery on whether homosexuals should be allowed to be ordained.) However, isn't there suppose to be separation between religion and state? So shouldn't anyone be able to get legally married? So vote NO on Proposition 8.
It is a personal preference whether or not someone believes that gay marriage is right, and that is fine, because everyone has the right to believe in what they want, but legally everyone is allowed to get married and it is unconstitutional to say that certain people can't.
Obama and Biden do not believe in gay marriage on a personal and religious level, but as far as the legal system goes, they believe that everyone has the right to marry whomever they want to, and that is how it should be.
Will this issue ever get solved? Will people ever come to terms and find a balance in the situation? Will people ever grow up, be tolerant, and accepting?
Yes, the Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman and that homosexuality is a sin, however the Bible also says not to judge. So who are we as human beings to judge and stop people from doing what they want to do? God IS the judge of that... So come on poeple, get real...

"Lets Go Back to...Tax Cuts and Energy"

2008-10-02T23:18:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin was lucky that the Republican party was able to negotiate to have the debate confined to a direct question and answer basis and not a real back and forth debate between her and Joe Biden, because she would have been stuck and demolished otherwise. And who is she to say to Biden, "Hi, can I call you Joe?" right off the back.
She kept wanting to "go back", "I want to go back" is what she would always say and it was always back to Tax Cuts and Energy issues, because that was all her advisers were able to train her to say in a short amount of time. She spoke as if she was reading from a television prompt or like she memorized a script; it wasn't fluid or even, but bumpy and sometimes redundant. She repeated a lot of things and there were questions that she could not "specifically"answer.
I'll hand it to her though that she didn't make herself a bigger fool than she already is. She was also lucky that Biden was holding back, but he was still able to execute his points and emphasize what he needed to say.
Palin obviously sucked on the Foreign Policy issues and Republicans are just horrible in general on trying to shed light on the war in Iraq.
She also kept saying that Obama was "two-faced" in the sense that he says one thing to one group and then another thing to another group, whatever. She was the one bashing on Biden for being a community organizer, however, while Biden was being a community organizer, she was off competing in beauty pageants.

"Jesus Christ was a Community Organizer.

Pontius Pilot was a Governor."

I can go all day about how bad she did during the debate and what a horrible candidate she is for VP, but I'm tired. I'm tired of her, but most of all I am scared. I can not stress enough on how scary it is that she is soo close to being the next president of the U.S. It is true, she is only a "heart-beat" away from being in control of this country. If McCain has to die, let him die now and not while he is president, if he wins. Because how can we have someone (Palin) run this country let alone be in the White House, who knows nothing about the government, the world, wants to get rid of polar bears, builds bridges to nowhere, and does not believe that dinosaurs exist?!? And this is why, ladies and gentlemen, I am part of and volunteering for the Obama Biden Campaign 08!!

Couric/Palin Open (SNL)

2008-09-28T03:29:00.001-07:00

Now do you believe that Sarah Palin knows nothing that will save this country other than the few scripts and "key points" her advisors train her to say in a short amount of time?!?!

My First Day of Campaigning for Obama!

2008-09-27T23:47:00.000-07:00

Today my friend and I sat at the kitchen table, each of us with our own laptop, logged in to our "my.barackobama.com" accounts and got our first list of voters to call to ask if they wanted to help the campaign. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I had never done anything like this before, but I had been waiting to do this for the longest time especially when I found out that Palin was chosen for McCain's V.P.
I realized that I couldn't just sit around and (excuse my language) b*tch all day about how much I dislike Palin. So I decided to become a part of the campaign and do something about my future. I plan to go to the Democratic Head Quarters hear in town this week, go door to door, attend events, and volunteer as much as I can because it just absolutely scares me that "she" is so close to becoming president which is unacceptable and because I believe that Obama will make Change.
Anyways...so my first 10 calls where either no longer in service or not home, but then I got my first answer. He was a man who was 83 years old from Ventura, California, and when he answered I was so excited. When you make these calls they give you a script to follow with the questions and everything. So I said my first line with my name and that I was calling for the Obama Campaign and the man said, "Who are you calling for?" and I said, "Obama!" and then he said, "Oh! Yes, Obama all the way, that's good!" I then asked him if he was willing to help out the campaign, but he responded, "Oh no, I'm sorry; I'm just too old for that. I'm 83 years old and I can no longer do that kind of stuff, but I am definitely voting for Obama. I will definitely vote!" I felt so happy; it was so inspiring, and made me realize that there is hope out there. I then asked him if I could still ask him some questions, but I believe he heard me wrong because he answered, "Oh no! No questions asked, I am definitely voting for Obama, no doubt!" I then said, "Well thank you for your time!" and hung up.
I felt so proud of myself and of that man, and after that I kept calling and calling.
I even called the Latinos in Nevada who are undecided in who they want to vote for, and the first one I called was a lady who was busy at a baby shower but wanted me to call back because she wants more information...that made my day as well, because I now have the opportunity to help her in deciding who she will vote for and I will hopefully persuade her to choose Obama.
I am just so thrilled at the idea that I am helping make a difference and working for a cause. I can't wait until I get more involved and all of you will definitely be hearing about it!!

Stressed, Stressed, Stressed, and more Stressed!!

2008-09-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

UGH!! I can't wait till this semester is over!!! Then I'll be able to sleep peacefully and only worry about whether or not the colleges I applied to will accept me and how many scholarships I will receive!!

Can't Wait for the V.P. Debate!! Biden better win!!

2008-09-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

All I have to say is I can't wait to see what nonsense that lady has to say and Biden better win!!

What kind of Presidential Debate was that?

2008-09-26T19:48:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry but in all seriousness neither of the candidates really impressed me. John McCain kept ranting on about nothing and Obama didn't come off as strong as I hope he would. All I got from McCain was that he has been all over the world and that "Obama doesn't understand..."
At least Obama was able to make statements that actually meant something, were logical and made sense.
I understand that the debate was based off foreign affairs, but I and many others wanted to hear what they are going to do for us and what major things will they change to save the U.S. Economy.
I can definitely say that Obama won that debate, not as drastically as I would have liked but he definitely beat McCain.
I can't wait for the Vice President Debate next week. I am waiting to hear what "she" has to say. And all I have to say is that Biden better whoop Palin's booty, sorry for my bluntness, but it just frightens me and is absolutely insane that "she" is soo close to becoming the next president of the United States.
Again, this is why I am doing something about it. I am a member of the Obama Biden Campaign, making calls, attending events, and going house to house. There needs to be Change!!

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin!! SNL

2008-09-20T23:47:00.001-07:00

Amazing...could not have asked for anything better!! Couldn't have done it better myself!! Do I have to say anything more?!? Just watch...or watch again if you have already!! :)

Missing the "Someone"...

2008-09-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

Now, I know most of you do not want to hear about the pathetic love life of a teenager, but sometimes a girl just has to let it out. :]
But to help the process along, I will get straight to the point and skip all the unecessary mushy depressing stuff (details and that sort).
- I just miss having that "someone". The person that you talk to everyday about how your day went and what you did. The "someone" that is outside of all your friend drama (and then some), who wants to listen to you vent and talk for hours, who wants to comfort you and give you advice. I miss having someone there...
I mean, I know I am way too busy and caught up in "Senior Year Realities" to even worry about having a boyfriend or even bother looking for one, but to come home, call that "someone" and tell him everything; it is such a relief. I always come home and get my stresses out by listening, writing, and playing music, and talking to those above, but it is all about just having that "someone". I had that "someone" until recently and the truth is that I miss that "someone", not that 'someone' specifically, but just that 'someone' in general. I loved having that comfort and I want it back...so there, that is it...I've said what I needed to say. ;]

I Need 3 Day Weekends and 32 Hours in a Day! :]

2008-09-11T15:05:00.000-07:00

Senior year...(sigh)...I need more time!
I wish I had a clone that would take care all of my "college stuff", so then I could concentrate on my school stuff and all the stuff that needs to happen right now. That way I wouldn't have to worry about everything at the same time. I could practice for All-State Honor Band, finish homework, and then work on my compositions while 'my clone' took care of all my SATs, ACTs, SAT 2, applications, scholarships, personal statements, resumes, recommendation letters, etc. So then I wouldn't be trippin everyday and every single moment about deadlines, etc. And if I had more hours in a day then of course more stuff could be done.
I just pray everyday that I'll make it through and get where I want to go...

What was he thinking? Does he really want to lose?!?

2008-09-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

McCain made the worst move of his campaign by selecting Sarah Palin as his V.P.

Talk about being in experienced. She has only been a Governor for like 3 years and so that means she has never worked in the Capital.

This was a "sissy move" for McCain. I actually thought Joe Lieberman was a better choice, not that I would vote for McCain anyways, but picking her was just stupid. I am sorry for being blunt but this only my opinion.

It just seemed like a desperate choice, a political move, into getting noticed. He must really not want to win. I mean, yea she is a woman, but the wrong woman to choose at that. Was he so desperate to be a part of history that he forgot about putting the "Country First"? Seriously, I thought he said it was all about making the country a better place in Reform, Prosperity, and Peace, not Stupid, Dumb, and Stupid. Whatever, I really don't care because he is not going to win anyways but now he is definitely not going to win. Why, just because he has a woman, he thinks he'll gain popularity with the females? Please, she is not worthy of such a title. And what if he does win (which would be a miracle now) and then dies and then she becomes the next president of the U.S. Oh Lord! We do not want that! Her running the country, come on, Hillary was way better than that, and then the U.S. would definitely plummet to its death!!

OBAMA + BIDEN = CHANGE!!

2008-08-28T23:19:00.000-07:00

Our American Gov/Econ teacher told us to watch the Democratic Convention so we could discuss it later in class, but I was already on top of it. Today was the last the day of the Convention and it was the day that Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech as the Democrat Candidate for the '08 Presidential Election.
Obama's speech enthralled and inspired me. While he was speaking, it was like I was watching myself speak. Everything he said I had already thought about in my head or talked about with other people. He is the "People's President" and he knows what America needs right now to make a change for the better. In his speech, he laid everything, every subject/issue/debate, on the table, leaving nothing behind. He spoke about the economy to the foreign oil policy, from homosexuality to abortion, and more. He was not afraid to speak up for what he and most Americans believe in: Change.
"8 is Enough! 8 is Enough!" is what Obama said, and was later chanted by the 80,000+ crowd, after explaining that the U.S. doesn't need another 4 years of Bush (meaning McCain), that 8 years is enough!
He is what this country needs. What my generation needs as I and millions of other American teens are heading off to college next fall.
He lived an American life with the struggles that we still face today, so he knows from first hand experience what the people of America want and need.
Unlike McCain who believes that Middle-Class Americans make under $5,000,000 a year. PLEASE! I WISH! I am from a Middle-Class family where my mom is a teacher and my father is self-employed and substitutes every now and then, and there is NO WAY we make anything close to half a million a year.
Obama may not have worked the hallways of the White House and is "inexperienced" in that area as others have criticized him to be, but being President of the U.S. is not about how well the White House is kept, but how well the people of America are taken care of and Obama has had a life's worth experience on that. And look at President Clinton, they called him inexperienced and he did 100 times better than Bush.
Biden is a worthy Vice-President. He and Obama compliment each other and make a perfect team. Biden just adds "icing to the cake" and then some.
What else can I say about Obama?
He has already made history and what a day to say his speech on the 45th Anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s famous speech "I Have a Dream" and today that dream definitely came true. For we have a Black man running for the President of the United States. And he will win because America needs Change or we will fall. Obama will lead us into the next decade with a passion for the American people and to the American people and nothing less and nothing more.

Have I Told You About My 2nd Mom?!?

2008-08-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

Where do I start? How do I begin to explain what this woman means to me?...

This woman raised me every weekend since I was two weeks old when my mom went to school for her Master's Degree. I call her Auntie Sarah. She is pretty much my 2nd mom if you couldn't already guess that. She is the one I "run away" to when my 1st mom :) is being mean and unfair.

Ever since I can remember, I have always been a part of her family which is just as big as my own family. Even though I am not blood related to her, her and her family are closer and dearer to me than a lot of my own blood relatives. I do not know what I would do without them and I can't even imagine life without them.

Auntie Sarah is one of the few people that I look up to and can always count on whenever I need her. It is actually hard for me to type this and not just because I'm getting all teary eyed thinking about it, but actually because I am lost at words. There aren't enough words in any language that can describe what she and her family means to me and how much I love them.

They are my family (blood related or not). I always and only claim them as family and nothing less. Whenever anyone asks me who they are, I tell them the truth, that they are my family. I actually hate it when people refer to me as their neighbor across the street because I never was just their neighbor. What they have done for me is without a doubt one of the greatest blessings God has ever given me.

Auntie Sarah is kind, loving, patient, wise, strong, and beautiful in every way. I don't know if she knows this but she reminds me of my Grandma Angel. Someone I can turn to when times are bad and good. Someone who will have hundreds of jewels in her crown waiting for her in Heaven. Someone that I wish everyone could have in their life. Someone who will always know what to say and always have kind and warming words to comfort me. Someone who will always hold me no matter how big I get so I can feel loved and safe. Someone who knows my mom and will take me away when I need a break from her. Someone who I will love and cherish for the rest of my days and tell my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren about and how she took a huge part in making me who I am today.

Thank you for everything Auntie...I love you!

Mahal Kita Po,

Merissa

College!! Too Crazy for its Own Good!!

2008-08-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

Why does college have to be soo crazy and stressful? Why can't it be easy? I have to make sure I have all the deadlines written down for all the colleges I want to apply to, and I need to write a personal statement, resume, get letters of recommendation, scholarships, auditions, compositions, SATs, ACTs, SAT 2...etc, etc, etc.
I am so excited to go out to college, but it is so overwhelming. I don't know if I can do it all and do it all in time. I mean, what if I don't even make it or do all the work and not get accepted anywhere? I have worked hard my whole life and what if it is all for nothing or disappointment. I know there is always the Junior College, but I know what I want to do and I know where I want to go.
Life is a mystery and thanks goodness for God, Family, and Friends because I definitely cannot do this on my own!!

My LAST First Day of Free School!!

2008-07-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

So today was the first day of Senior year.
UGH!! It was soo long...they made our days longer so we could have half days on Wednesdays, which is all fine and dandy, but man today was a drag.
It felt like we have already been in school for two weeks or like we never had a summer break (which was only 7 weeks long by the way). And of course, with my friends, there was drama...I hate drama but I love my friends!!
My schedule is packed with only 4 classes a semester because we're on block schedule. I have American Gov./Econ. Honors, Calculus 1-2, English AP, Adv. Band, and Jazz Band.
And I am also trying to fit in a music theory class at the Jr. College here, but I don't know if I can do that again this semester.
Well, off to another day of school...yea :|...can't wait till its all over...I'm soo done...

Senior Year!! Yeah and Ahhh!!!

2008-07-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

Dreading the fact that I start school in less than 48 hours and yet I can't help to feel some sort of excitement that it is my last first day of high school and not just the beginning of a new chapter in my life but this is when my life truly begins. I am getting ready for college and becoming more of a confident, independent, and beautiful young woman.
But dang, I hate that this summer was really short and I start school in less than 48 hours, less than 48 hours...and no matter how many times I say that in my head or think of how fast this summer went, nothing will change the fact that I do start school in less than 48 hours.
But I think the worst part of all is that I put off my Summer Reading Homework till now, firstly because I didn't "officially" get the assignment in the mail but from a friend, but mostly because I didn't want to do it. But I promise you that I will do it and finish it somehow...:)

What is My Purpose?...in Life?...in Mission Study? HELP!

2008-07-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

Well, one thing I know for sure is that my purpose in life is whatever God calls me to be, even if it's not always what I want to do. I mean I know what I want to be when I grow up, probably because I've been asked that question since the first grade, and I know what dreams and ambitions are. So life of course will always be a mystery, but I pretty much know which path I want to take.
However, when it comes to what is my purpose for being on my church's Mission Study Committee, I have no idea. Or maybe I do know but I'm just not opening up to that idea yet.
I was asked by our current pastor if I wanted to be on the committee, and not knowing what it entailed, I of course said, "Sure". But little did I know that I was being a part of the planning of the future of my church. I then realized that I really, really didn't want to be there or a part of it and not because I don't like my church or the people, but it was actually because at that time I was a little shaky in my faith. So why was I asked to be on this committee?
I have no doubt that God is there and that He gives me miracles everyday, which I thank Him for all the time, but most of the time I just don't feel worthy. I know, I know, no one is perfect and God will love me unconditionally no matter what, but I don't deserve His affection. I'm not a bad person, but that was how I was feeling.
It actually wasn't till a couple weeks ago that I finally started to see my purpose for being on this committee. I have been going to my church my whole life and have seen the changes it has gone through from the many years that I have been alive and I realized that I am here to make a change.
There are always people in a congregation that complain that there needs to be some change or something done, but then they never do anything about it or then complain that they don't like the new changes...I pray for those people. And then there is the same 10% of the members that do everything and always the only ones doing anything. So I have come to the conclusion that in my last year before I go off to college, I will do my best at helping my church grow and make changes for the better good as God sees fit. And yes, people will be angry and uncomfortable about the changes but they will just have to live or find a new church...whatever God guides them to do.

But now my dilemma is: What is my vision or goal for my church? I'm stuck between what I want and what I think the congregation as a whole would want...but I'm working on it with the help of God and others! (It's a lot of hard work!! [Ugh])...

Smart People...

2008-07-25T00:37:00.000-07:00

I am in the point in my life when I am getting to know who my real friends are because they will be the ones I keep in touch with after high school.
I also have come to the point in my life when I only like to talk and hang out with "smart" people, so naturally my real friends are "smart".
The smart I'm talking about has nothing to do with being book smart or street smart, although I do prefer that you have some knowledge of both. :) But the smart I'm referring to is the general smart, as in you don't do or say stuff that falls into the general category of stupid (shallow I know because who am I to judge, but...), as in you don't act fake; you only act yourself because that's how you are suppose to act in front of your friends who do know the true you anyway, and as in you've grown up and you're not into all that drama and stupid stuff.
This is actually harder to explain than I thought it would be, but if you are in my shoes or have been where I am then you know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry but stupid people are just a waste of my time and life is too precious...I only have time for smart people because they make life worth living.
Now don't get me wrong, this really only applies to the people that I have known for a very long time and have only known for so long because of certain circumstances that I have come to realize that I will not be keeping in touch with them after graduation, however I still do care for them and will be there when they need it...maybe...depends...And there really are just plain stupid people out there who no one likes; I'm sorry and I pray for them.
But God Bless the "Smart" people that I love and adore because they are my true friends and I will make an effort to keep in touch with them for as long as I can!!

Growing Up!!

2008-07-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

Hmm...Does anyone really want to grow up? I mean there are Pros and Cons to everything but, sometimes there just seems like there are more cons than pros.
This might seem weird for me to be saying this but I'm growing up way too fast. Last time I checked I was being excited about the 6th grade and going into middle school and now I'm getting ready for college, for life. I'm ready and excited and scared for Senior year and yet I can't help to feel that I'm already done and I want to get out of here and live on.
I'm ready to go and yet I almost don't want to.
Maybe I'm just scared of failure or the hardships that I know are going to come and I will have more than others because I am a female and I'm not white. But then I'm also ready to fight and take on any challenge life throws at me. You might call this a balance (I feel good and bad); I'm staying humble, but it can get very annoying and very tiring after a while.
Questions like: "Will I succeed and get where I want to go?" "And what if I don't, then what?" "Is this what I really want out of life?" pop into my head every so often that I almost just want to stop and give up...is it really all worth it? Is everything I've done and accomplished enough?
And all I have to say to all those questions is..."I dunno!?!"
I kinda just have to put it in God's Hands and pray for the best and give everything I got in everything I do...and that is when I realize and know that I can do what I want to do and I will do it. :)

A First Time Blogger!!

2008-07-24T00:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I did it, but I did. For some strange reason I decided that I needed to start blogging. I realized that it is pointless to put out my frustration on my parents and loved ones because they don't deserve my crap. I wanted a way to get out what is being kept deep inside me without my mom yelling at me for it. If you know my mom (who I love and admire soo much), then you know what I am talking about. There is just so much I have to say that I realized this is the perfect way to express and say what I have to say.
I think I also did this because of the place where I am in my life right now. I have never been in this place before and I don't know what to do about it except blog.
I am excited and anticipating the wonderful new things that blogging will bring me...I know that sounds corny but that is what I really feel.
So here you have it, my first blog!!

Blessings!!